What I believe, really!


It’s been an interesting and slightly disarming week. Every now again doubt comes knocking on my door, like an old friend who occasionally reappears, to my surprise.  Faith and belief, what we frame our lives with can sometimes seem a bit rocky.  Or like a dry and dusty paddock, in which I find myself in the middle, rather lost.

It reminds me of a quote by Kari Jo Verhulst, who is a writer for the Sojourners magazine, and I read this a few weeks ago, if it sounds familiar.

`I sometimes wake at 3am with a start, jolted by the certainty that we had made God up. Given the dispassionate nature of the world, and the banality of our cruelty and self-absorption, the idea of a loving, present God seemed overwhelmingly absurd, a feeling as sad as it was terrifying. Thus it has been a great and humbling relief to discover that I exist in the company of millennia of God lovers who also awaken to this dreadful sense of improbability. Those wiser than I, rabbis and poets, theologians and preachers, locate these midnight churnings squarely within the life of faith. I heard one say that if you are not convinced you are making it up at least a third of the time, you are spiritually dead. So, I now say to myself on nights like these, `This is what it is to be alive`.

This is what it is to be alive!

I teach anatomy to medical students and the other day we were doing surface anatomy. This requires a whole cadaver or dead body, which can be quite confronting to the students and sometimes to teachers.  I normally just get on with teaching but somehow I was touched by this body, an older woman, just lying there.  I pondered, was she someone who had a family who loved her, maybe had children, probably like us had her likes and dislikes, maybe she did something really incredible for a job, or maybe she was a cleaner or just stayed home and looked after her kids.  Was she someone who spoke up for others, or believed in God?  How did she die, was it quite quick, or a long drawn out illness. Why did she feel that donating her body to the anatomy department was a good idea?

What is it to be alive, to be in the world? I know that the inner spark, the life force that makes us who we are was gone from this person. Whatever made that woman alive, had been snuffed out. Whatever made her “her” was gone.

We have our bodies, blood and bone, muscle and organs, senses and skin, our incredible brain, all necessary physical attributes. Then there is our inner life.  An inner life, combining our thoughts, and feelings, ideas and passions to give our life meaning and purpose, colour and framework. Some of it can be identified and labelled as this part of the brain or that, but much of it can’t.  Often it’s called the soul or spirt or consciousness or even the heart or essence of the person.  All this makes up what we see in each other, in these amazing human beings.

The question for me has always been, is that all!

Well, no, I don’t think so. Many of us also believe in and have experienced something else, something extra, something almost unexplainable that is also part of being alive.   Something that again can’t be measured but that interacts with our inner world and raises us to a different level of living.  That drives us to love, to connect, to help one another.  This something I believe has always been present in life, in the developing universe, in the process of evolution, and is present in us.  A separate entity yes, but just as cells are separate entities and together make more and more complex substances, so this makes us more than what we could be.  What emerges is something greater than the sum of the parts.

This extra mysterious bit is often called God, spirit, breath, or wind and is a creative force so central to life and all its goodness it cannot be distinguished from us. For me all people are carriers of this light for it is found within all people, at all times, and in all places. It drives us to be better than we are, both as individuals and as a society and a world, even if we don’t acknowledge or worship it.

So while this description of God does not sound terribly traditional, or doctrinal or biblical, although I think the Hebrew Scriptures do describe God in this way, it does incorporate what we know of the world and of us. As Bruce Sanguin has said, God is not a person but personal.

It is my statement of faith and hope for the future. And most of the year I sit comfortably with this understanding.

Yet in the run up to Easter I run into trouble! I always have these doubts when Easter appears on the horizon.

So let’s go on a journey in lent together, a journey of reflection.

When we talk about this extra bit of life, this creative force, this divine presence, how do we describe it, how does it affect who we are as people? Well many, including me, would say we see this presence most clearly in Jesus.

Jesus of Nazareth, a man who was flesh and blood, who laughed and cried, who was human like us, regardless of what the church says. And who died a horrible painful death.

Can I really see God in this person? Is God and Jesus one? The gospel writers think so, they write so long after his death, but with such passion and purpose.  Somehow in Jesus the God presence was revealed most fully.  Somehow Jesus touches us and activates something mysterious within us.  He turns on the light.  His words, limited but powerful, and the response of his followers show us how to act in faith, pointing the way.  If we can become aware of the divine presence within ourselves, letting go our ego or our 21st century manic activity driven lives, our response will reflect Jesus’s concerns.  Concern for ourselves that we can be the best people we can be, concern for others that they may be loved and cared for, and concern for the planet and all of creation. Fullness of life for everyone, means in Jesus terms, inclusion and equity and peace and justice for all.

So where does that leave the coming of Easter, Good Friday, and particularly Easter Sunday. It is here I do not want to mince words. Jesus died for the sake of others, for he reveals that the God spark is a spark for life.  That is how Jesus interpreted that inner drive in our world, in the human world. Love, compassion, justice, looking after the poor and the widows and including everyone at the table.

His message challenged those with power, who supported inequality, exclusion and hate. His message challenges us daily just as it did 2,000 years ago.

So he was killed.

Do I believe Jesus rose physically after 3 days and now sits at the right hand of God? Well no I don’t.  God is not sitting anywhere, certainly not in the sky where we see billions of galaxies and where we have just detected gravity waves.  Where is God?  God is the power within, the urge to connect and commune. To love.

So where is Jesus? A mystery that’s for sure.  Maybe his spirt is, like our own, somehow bonded to that which gives all of us life.  The universal divine presence.

Maybe the gift Jesus gives us is his human life, his awareness of what we all can be, what we all can do. Maybe his gift is one of life, not somewhere else, but here, in the fragrant muck and misery and marvel of human existence, as Frederick Buechner puts it.  For God is part of the essence of who we are.  It is in ordinary everyday lives that God is fully realised. A God that drives us to new beginnings, to change and transform, and makes life worthwhile. Ordinary everyday lives like ours. We find and experience God when we love, and forgive, show compassion and seek justice, share our wealth and lend a helping hand. When as a church we stand with and for refugees, our indigenous brothers and sisters, and all those marginalised and alone.

I attend a group exploring Alexander Shaia’s book, Hearts and Minds. We have been exploring Matthew, a path guiding us as we face change.  This is something from the section we covered on Sunday…

First a reading from Matthew, 28:16-20 adapted by Alexander.

 Now we go to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus has directed us. When we see him, we worship and we doubt.

And Jesus comes to us and says, “All authority in heaven and on earth is given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations… teaching everyone to obey everything that I have commanded you.  And remember, I am with you to the end of time.

Alexander writes…“Jesus the messiah, told the disciples to leave the mountain. He instructed them to take the power of God, the inner power they had gained and all that they had learned, out to every place and everyone.  He instructed them to teach discipleship, the journey of intimate relationship with spirit they were learning from him, to one and all, near and far.  He directed them to share the lessons of love, to tell others that the divine has only one source, and that every person is a son and daughter of that source.

He then said, Remember. He told his followers never to forget that they were not alone. He was with them loving them, always and forever.  This is indeed the fitting and final message to which Matthew has brought everything in this gospel.  “And remember I am with you always, to the end of the age”.

Remember, we are all children of God,

Remember, God is a God of the universe, found in the stars and planets and in you and me.

Remember, God is not for only a few, but for all of creation, all people and all nations

Remember Jesus, for he guides and leads the way. God is spirit but that spirit needs to be expressed in the real blood and guts of the world.

As Jesus says, Watch me, listen to me, I will show you the way, follow me.

And if you don’t understand, just do it, for in the doing you will sense the truth. The mystery of faith.

And remember, I am with you always, to the end of time. For my words and deeds never fade.


This is what I need to remember at 3 am in the morning, or when I am in that dissecting room, or in a hospital faced with life and death. Or when I travel in the time of lent.

Jesus, part of the universal presence of God, is with us, God is with us. Always.




One response to “What I believe, really!”

  1. Richard Smith says :

    I believe the question is not whether God exists, but as Crossan asks: what is the character of your God?. What we hold sacred and of ultimate concern defines our God whether we recognize it or not. Is our God violent or non-violent, concerned with Justice or indifferent to the injustices of the world? From Jesus’ concerns and how he responded we see his God. Many choose to follow this same God, that he and we call Father or Lord.

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